Taoism: |
Shit happens. |
Confusianism: |
Confusius
say: "Shit happens". |
Buddhism: |
If
shit happens, it is not really shit. |
Zen: |
What
is the sound of shit happening? |
Hinduism: |
This
shit has happened before. |
Islam: |
If
shit happens, it is the will of Allah. |
Protestantism: |
Let
the shit happen to someone else. |
Catholicism: |
If
shit happens, you deserve it. |
Judism: |
Why
does shit always happen to us? |
Mysticism: |
Just
experience shit happening. |
Ascetism: |
If
shit happens, renounce it. |
Agnosticism: |
Nobody
knows why shit happens. |
Gnosticism: |
I
know why shit happens but will not tell you. |
Atheism: |
Shit
just happens and that is all there is to it. |
Cartesianism: |
Shit
happens to me, therefore it exists. |
Platonism: |
There
is ideal shit happening somewhere. |
Stoicism: |
I
do not care if shit happens. |
Epicureanism: |
Let
us party while shit does not happen. |
Cynicism: |
Of
course shit happens. |
Occultism: |
Shit
materializes from other planets of existence. |
Terrorism: |
Shit
will happen unless you do as I say. |
Puritanism: |
S***
can happen all day as long as you do not call it that. |
Behaviourism: |
You
are conditioned to having shit happen. |
Freudianism: |
If
shit happens, it is your mother's fault. |
Parapsychology: |
Shit
happens without material causes. |
Surrealism: |
Purple
shit happens near melting clocks. |
Cubism: |
If
shit happens, you will not recognize it. |
Optimism: |
If
shit happens, we will find a way to use it. |
Pessimism: |
If
shit happens, there will not be enough for everybody. |
Tabloid sensationalism: |
Green
shit from mars happens to Elvis clone. |
Biblical creationism: |
Shit
happens because God created it. |
Scientific reductionism: |
Shit
happens because it evolved from primitive shit. |
Scientific obscurantism: |
Amorphous
excrement does occur in given cases. |
Bureaucracy: |
I
do not care if shit happens as long as you fill out the
forms. |
Feminism: |
Women
demand to have shit happen. |
Ecology: |
If
organic shit happens, it is ok. |
Capitalism: |
Let
us profit from shit happening. |
Socialism: |
If
shit happens, let us distribute it equally. |
Patriotism: |
Our
shit is better than your shit. |
Conservatism: |
They
do not make even shit happen like they used to. |
Liberalism: |
Shit
should not happen tomorrow. |
Classical physics: |
Shit
does not "happen", it just moves around. |
Quantum physics: |
1.
Shit happens but you can not say both where and when.
2. Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons. |
Holistic physics: |
If
shit happens, it happens everywhere at once. |
Microcomputing: |
If
shit happens, we will fix it in the next version. |
Applied mathematics: |
The
probability of shit happening approaches unity. |
Engineering: |
When
shit happens, paint over. |
Medicine: |
If
shit happens, take two aspirin and call me in the
morning. |
Economics: |
Shit
happens because there is a great demand for it. |
Politics: |
If
shit happens, make a deal with it. |
Diplomacy: |
Let
us pretend shit does not happen. |